Talkshow 5!
by Htaed is Death backwards
Summary: Talkshow with Harry, Draco, Sirius and Voldemort.


Htaed: Heya! We're back already, and dragging Tess along for the ride!

Grimm: And we've got HP peoples this time around.

Tess: Hola! Gracias a mi papa, mi mama…

Htaed: -whispering behind hand-She's not actually Spanish, by the way. She's blonde and blue-eyed and a smart cookie and an odd duck.

Tess: -grins- I like to throw people off like that. Also, I don't even know if my Spanish grammar and language is even correct, so- AUGH!! –ducks projectile thrown by Spanish stagehand- -glares- Hey! That could've mortally wounded me!

Htaed: No, it couldn't. You're a dead girl walking.

Tess: Well, yes, but that's besides the point. And like you're one to talk, you soulless fiend.

Htaed: I prefer Evil Overlordess of the Soulless Variety.

Grimm: -rolls eyes- You're both retarded. If you're too distracted to do it, _I'll_-

Htaed & Tess: COME ON IN!!

Grimm: Ow. I tell you what, ow. –rubs ears- That was loud.

Htaed: OMG! Tess! He's channeling Bartok!

Tess: OMG really?!

-Draco, Sirius, Harry and Voldemort come in-

Htaed: -shrieks- SIRIUS!! –glomps- YOU'RE ALIVE!! THE SEXYNESS _LIVES_!!

Sirius: Ack…

Draco: Uh… -looks uncomfortable-

Harry: SIRIUS!! –glomps- YOUR'RE ALIVE!!

Draco: …

Sirius: -is suffocating from lack of air-

Grimm: -pries Htaed off Sirius- Let go, moron. You're killing him. Again.

Htaed: He's _fine_.

Harry: -lets go- OMGSiriusareyouokay?!

Sirius: WHEEZE. –massages ribs- S'all good.

Htaed: See?

Voldemort: -brandishes wand threateningly- Harry Potter! I shall now-!

Htaed: -snatches wand- JACKED!! Haha, Tess, I got Moldy-shorts' wand!

Tess: -grabs Harry's wand- So? I got Harry's!

Both: -look at each other- Let's duel!

Htaed: -waves wand around aimlessly- -makes a green light shoot out-

Tess: -brandishes wand with purpose- -makes a red light shoot out-

Both: LIGHTSABER BATTLE!!

Htaed: -looks at her green light- Hey, no fair. I wanna be a Sith!

Tess: -shrugs- 'Kay. –trades wands with Htaed-

Both: -get into battle-ready position-

Grimm: Are you _ever_ going _any_ questions?

Htaed: -lowers wand- Oh. Yeah, better do that before the battle. No telling what'll happen. –throws wand over shoulder- _Alrighty_! First question! Moldy-shorts! –points at Voldy-

Moldy-shorts: _Moldy-shorts_?! How dare you-! You insolent-! You little-! (The deleted bits have been CENSORED for the sake of any accidental curses flying out of the screen)

Tess: Ooh, he called you insolent! That's a new one. Add it to the list, Grimm.

Grimm: -sighs and scribbles in a notebook-

Htaed: -frowns- He also called me little. Not good, Moldy-shorts. I don't _appreciate_ being _ridiculed_ for my _height_. –pulls out gunblade-

Tess: Ooh, are you gonna kill Voldy? –claps excitedly-

Harry: Hey, that's my job. –pouts-

Htaed: Damn. You're right. –pouts- Oh, well. –throws gunblade over shoulder-

Sirius: -picks up gunblade- -examines curiously-

Htaed: You'd better kill him for good this time, Potter. –looks threatening- Anyways, the question. Moldy-shorts, why do you have an unhealthy obsession with harry?

Moldy-shorts: I do not! –indignant-

Tess: Obsessions are bad for your health, you know. It stunts your growth. –is very serious-

Htaed: No, that's cannibalism. That's why cannibals are always so puny. –eyes widen- Are you planning on _eating_ Harry?!

Moldy-shorts: _WHAT_?! NO!

Harry: No! I refuse to be eaten!

Draco: -grabs Harry possessively- _MINE_.

Harry: -grins- Except by Draco. –make out session-

Sirius: O.o

Moldy-shorts: O.o

Grimm: O.o

Htaed & Tess: -applauding enthusiastically-

Grimm: -faceplam-

Htaed: Okee! Next quextion to axe!

Harry: What's a quextion? And why do you axe it?

Htaed: Question to ask.

Harry: Oh. Why didn't you say so?

Htaed: -shrugs-

Tess: Next question! Who you gonna call on?

Htaed: GHOSTBUSTERS!! That's my ringtone, yanno. Love it.

Tess: -facepalm- Seriously. You're notoriously easily distracted, so let's try to get in a couple questions, kay?

Htaed: Hmm…Next victim, next victim… IDEA!! –picks up Harry's wand- Point me! –wand spins and finally points at Htaed-

All: …

Htaed: -throws wand across room- USELESS!! I am disappoint.

Tess: Do not want?

Htaed: -agreeing- Do not want. Okay, next quextion. –snickers- SIRIUS!! –points imperiously-

Sirius: -looks up from examination of gunblade- Hm?

Htaed: _When_ are you gonna get with Remus?

Sirius: -drops gunblade-

Htaed: Hey, that's _mine_! –grabs gunblade and holds to chest protectively-

Sirius: -coughs- …

Harry: O.o

Draco: O.o

Moldy-shorts: O.o

Tess: Yeah, you two like, _belong_ together. –smiles brightly- Like Harry and Draco!

Harry & Draco: -make out-

Htaed: Observe the hot gay slash in its natural habitat.

Tess: Quickly now, imitate so as to not frighten it off! –shoves Remus, who we have magically summoned, at Sirius-

Sirius: -catches Remus- -leers-

Remus: -has no idea what's going on-

Sirius: -kisses Remus-

Remus: -eyes bug out, then close- -make out session-

Htaed & Tess: -cheers- YAAAAAY!! TOGETHER AT LAST!!!

Moldy-shorts: -twitch- So…much…gay…-twitch- -assumes fetal position-

Htaed: -ignores Moldy-shorts- -pulls out video camera- HOT. So keeping this tape forever.

Tess: -also ignoring Moldy-shorts- Can I have a copy?

Htaed: Yep.

Cameraman: Yeah, hi, it's me again. Since the only guest not engaged in the…-coughs delicately, searching for the word- …activities to our right, has gone, for all purposes, temporarily insane, this session is now terminated. Yes, mom, I see you. You can stop waving now. –shakes head-

Click.


End file.
